Sorry guys, bit of a different post.
I don't really know what's wrong with me, I can't seem to sleep any more, ever since I got back from the holiday in Spain at the beginning of July. I can't think of anything which is particularly bothering me either, so not only do I not know why I can't sleep, I can't even try to begin to fix the problem. I'm so tired all the time, to the point where I'm constantly feeling like shit, but I just can't tune out... turn off. On average I'm probably drifting to sleep at about 5.30am and waking up again at 10.30am, and it's not enough because I have used so much energy trying to get to sleep. People tell me to lie in bed and not think about anything other than sleeping. How fucking impossible is that though.... I get so bored to the point where I have to get up and do something or have a cigarette to try and make it better. I can't read. I'm too tired to read, and my eyes just end up burning and I get a headache.
I never normally cry, and I've cried five times in the past two days out of frustration. I stayed with my mum and stepdad for a couple of days this week, and it sounds so childish, but when they told me they were going to bed because the had work the next day, and to remember to locck up before I eventually venture upstairs, I just felt my face getting wet. I guess I was probably crying out of jealousy because I know that they're both tired and can easily sleep after laying down for five minutes.
I think if this doesn't clear up I'm going to head down to the doc and ask for some sleeping pills. I don;t want to take them, the only thing that is keeping me sane right now is dreaming and getting away from everything, even for the few hours I've been experiencing recently.
I'm wasting all my efforts and smoking too much again now. This insomnia is getting expensive...
(I don't expect anybody to read this, but if you do and have had any past experiences/tips, please try to leave a comment)