Friday, 27 August 2010

this is getting ridiculous

Sorry guys, bit of a different post.

I don't really know what's wrong with me, I can't seem to sleep any more, ever since I got back from the holiday in Spain at the beginning of July. I can't think of anything which is particularly bothering me either, so not only do I not know why I can't sleep, I can't even try to begin to fix the problem. I'm so tired all the time, to the point where I'm constantly feeling like shit, but I just can't tune out... turn off. On average I'm probably drifting to sleep at about 5.30am and waking up again at 10.30am, and it's not enough because I have used so much energy trying to get to sleep. People tell me to lie in bed and not think about anything other than sleeping. How fucking impossible is that though.... I get so bored to the point where I have to get up and do something or have a cigarette to try and make it better. I can't read. I'm too tired to read, and my eyes just end up burning and I get a headache.
I never normally cry, and I've cried five times in the past two days out of frustration. I stayed with my mum and stepdad for a couple of days this week, and it sounds so childish, but when they told me they were going to bed because the had work the next day, and to remember to locck up before I eventually venture upstairs, I just felt my face getting wet. I guess I was probably crying out of jealousy because I know that they're both tired and can easily sleep after laying down for five minutes.
I think if this doesn't clear up I'm going to head down to the doc and ask for some sleeping pills. I don;t want to take them, the only thing that is keeping me sane right now is dreaming and getting away from everything, even for the few hours I've been experiencing recently.
I'm wasting all my efforts and smoking too much again now. This insomnia is getting expensive...

(I don't expect anybody to read this, but if you do and have had any past experiences/tips, please try to leave a comment)

3 comments:

  1. thanks for your comment on my blog, but i have to say i want a bow tatto because bows are special to me and i dont care if everyone else has one. obviously i woulnt take a photo from google and get the tattoo artist to recreate it - i always put my own spin on things and i would maybe keep the shape of one that i liked and change the colour and add some other features to it. i too hate stealing peoples designs.
    and i should have made it clear in my blog that i have been thinking about a tattoo for ages, its not just a random 'omg im gonna get a tattoo' spur of the moment thing.

    (and i like childlike/cute bows..)

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  2. It's impossible to not think about sleep when you've been having so many sleepless nights and that's all you want to do. I feel your pain.

    I've been dealing with insomnia for awhile and the only thing that's (sort of) helped is melatonin supplements. I'm too scared of getting hooked on sleeping pills.

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  3. roxy, thank you for your comment, im curious about melatonin supplements, what are they/how do i get hold of them?! i'm up for trying everything that will help at this point x

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